Thug Life

About a week and a half ago, I hired a cleaning lady to come over for a few hours. Well, to be more accurate, my school arranged it for me. I just let her in and paid her. Anyway, everything seemed fine until I heard an odd clicking sound. I’d heard this sound before but, I couldn’t put my finger on it. Eventually, I figured it out. The sound was the kitchen door’s lock. The cleaning lady had locked herself into the kitchen. She then proceeded to lock herself into the bathroom, the master bedroom, and the guest bedroom as she entered them. Since I was the only other person in the apartment, it must have been to keep me out. This woman found me so scary, she was locking herself into each room so I couldn’t sneak up on her.

Apparently, in Asia, I am intimidating. Personally, I find this idea laughable. Me, intimidating? Seriously? Anyone who has have ever met me knows what I’m talking about. To me, my look can be interpreted one of two ways: stay at home mom or liberal arts grad student. [Full Disclosure: I am neither a stay at home mom nor a liberal arts grad student. I am a kindergarten teacher but, ya know, a really intimidating one.] This is because, at home, I pretty much exclusively wear pajamas, regardless of the time of day. Outside of my home, I pretty much exclusively wear jeans and t-shirts. If I’m feeling fancy, I’ll add one of my many cardigans. Plus, due to China’s pollution, I have mostly stopped wearing contact lenses. So, add a pair of really thick, black plastic glasses to the mix. Yup, that’s me, the thug.

In Korea, people often did not want to sit next to me on the bus. It seems odd to me that I was the most thugged out person on the bus for the entire year that I rode a bus daily. But, it was the same each day. So, I guess it was true. My Kindle and I were just too gangster to handle.

After the cleaning lady incident, I requested that a handyman be sent over to repair a kitchen cabinet. I live in a big apartment complex. There are several hundred apartments in the complex. As a result, the complex has its own handymen. You just call and then pay them. Well, the complex decided that a visit to my apartment required three handymen. I guess no one felt safe coming alone. It ended up that one guy repaired the cabinet while the other two watched his back and checked up on my whereabouts in the apartment. At least they didn’t lock themselves in the kitchen like the cleaning lady.

Of course, not everyone is completely terrified of me. Many people seem ok with me being around. Today, when I walked out of the grocery store, I beeped. The employee who came over to check my bags was very nice and a little apologetic. He was not afraid or me or even suspicious of me. So, it’s not everyone.

I’m not exactly sure why some people here are afraid of me. It’s definitely connected to my being foreign. Something about this is off putting to them. It might be the differences in my physical appearance. It could be the difference in culture. Being foreign probably lends me a certain “wild card” quality that makes people nervous. It certainly doesn’t help that the US is known for having a lot of crime and loose gun laws. Maybe some people think I’m packing. Or, maybe it’s the cardigans and glasses. One thing is for sure though: I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me. 

Every thug needs a criminal cardigan and some gangster glasses!

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My Role Model

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Tupac Pic: http://boralginmages.appspot.com/?page=2pac-tattoos-thug-life

The Ladies' Room: The Final Frontier

In most parts of my life, I have adjusted to China. I eat the food, breathe the “air,” and use chopsticks most of the time. There is, however, one part of Chinese life that I simply cannot adjust to - the ladies’ room.

In China, like many other Eastern countries, the squat toilet is king. I, for the life of me, cannot master this contraption. It requires some secret maneuver that I just don’t know how to do.

I’ve tried to learn how to use this thing. I’ve watched YouTube videos, read directions, and looked at diagrams. I’ve even asked female co-workers. It’s no use. I’ll start to feel confident in my squat toilet abilities and then, when I actually encounter one, I realize that I still have no idea how to use it.

So far, I have only used them three times in my life: once in Korea and twice in China. So, it’s quite possible to avoid a squatter if you really try. In Korea, it was actually really easy to find a Western style toilet. In Beijing, finding a Western style toilet is very difficult. My apartment and my work are both equipped with Western style bathrooms but, beyond those two places, things get iffy fast.

To find a Western toilet, be prepared to look around for a while. I have found that upscale department stores are the most likely to have nice, clean bathrooms with a Western toilet available. Most of these will have a row of stalls with squat toilets and then one stall with a Western toilet. Next, Western restaurants and some fast food outlets will have them. Beyond this, not much else is available.

In addition to an unfamiliar toilet, most of the bathrooms that I’ve encountered in China are gross. Toilet paper is usually not offered. Also, soap is not available. So, keep a bottle of hand sanitizer and a pack of tissues in your purse in case this happens.

Most public bathrooms in Beijing also have a smell. This smell will make your eyes water. I read somewhere on the internet that this is because of the way the pipes going to the squat toilets are configured. Pipes leaving a Western toilet are shaped like an “S.” This, apparently, keeps fumes from coming up into the bathroom. The squat toilets, on the other hand, have straight pipes. So, the fumes are free to come and go as they please. I don’t know much about plumbing so, I can’t say if this is true or not but, it makes sense to me.

All bathrooms, Western or squat style, in China do have one thing in common. In both styles, you should not flush down the toilet paper. For some reason, here, the bathrooms are built with pipes that cannot accommodate paper. So, they will get clogged if paper is flushed. As a result, there is a small trash can right next to the toilet. This is where you throw your paper. It is also a source of odor in heavily used restrooms.

Going to the ladies room (and the men’s room, I imagine) in China is not for the faint of heart. But, with a little planning and a search party, it can be a slightly less harrowing experience because, let’s face it, it will always be a little harrowing.

A Korean Squat Toilet

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A Chinese Squat Toilet

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Useful Link to Info on How to Use a Squat Toilet: 

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Squat-Toilet

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Chinese Toilet Photo: http://thefurtheradventuresofbennett.com/things-you-do-in-china-3-squatter-toilet/

Schemes and Scams

Being Western in China means that I stand out. As such, people tend to notice me more than if I were in a Western country. Mostly, the attention is benign. People look a little longer than they normally would, then they go back to their business.  Occasionally, however, the attention goes a step further.

Like any big city, Beijing has scams. Plus, everyone in China knows that I’m an out-of-towner. So, the scam artists are drawn to my foreignness. They (rightfully) assume that I don’t speak Chinese and that I can’t really speak to the police. Also, they assume that all tourists carry cash on them. As a result, I sometimes get approached by those looking to make a quick buck.

The Art Exhibit

The art exhibit is a popular scam. I, myself, have been approached with this scam a few times.

For this scam, an English speaking, young Chinese person will approach you. They strike up a conversation and they seem really friendly. As the conversation is winding down, they tell you that they are an art student and some of their work is being exhibited nearby. Then, they invite you to their show.

Now, this is far as I have personally gotten with this scam. I am not going anywhere with a stranger because I have strong aversion to being murdered. However, I have read about this situation. Apparently, this scam can go a few different ways:

*You go to some half-baked art show and are strongly pressured to buy expensive, poorly made art.

*You go and decline to buy anything but, are charged an entrance fee.

*You go, decline to buy, and are billed for something expensive. When you refuse to pay, they call the police and tell the police something in Chinese that gets you arrested. They could say that you caused a disturbance, stole, etc. You can’t speak Chinese so, the police aren’t going to understand your side of the story.

The Tea House

The tea house scam is another popular one. I have not had this issue but, I have heard from other foreigners who have.

This scam also involves a young, English speaking Chinese person approaching you. They strike up a conversation and then invite you to drink tea. Often, they will claim that they want to practice English with you.

At the tea house, you and your new “friend” will order several tiny pots of tea. Sometimes you see a menu and sometimes you don’t. However, in the end, you are given a bill for a ridiculous amount, maybe the equivalent of $500.00. When you refuse to pay, the owner will have either their security people threaten you or they call the police on you. By this time, your “friend” has disappeared on their way to the restroom and you’re on your own.

I’ve also heard that sometimes, the “friend” acts shocked too and will offer to split the bill with you. This, apparently, makes some people feel less like they are being taken advantage of. So, they pay and their “friend” pretends to pay too. However, the “friend” is in on it and isn’t paying anything.

To me, it seems like the moral of the story is this: beware of anyone who is too eager to hang out with you. No one is that friendly or that desperate to practice their English. 

Your mother was right!

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Photo: http://theharriedmom.com/stranger-danger-tips-to-keep-your-kids-safe/strangerdanger-33154948_std/

Entrepreneurs Everywhere!

While researching about China, I came across some information from the US Census Bureau. Apparently, between 2002 and 2007, rates of Asian-American business ownership grew at about twice the rate as the rest of the nation. Of these Asian owned businesses, about 27% are owned by Chinese people. In fact, almost 11% of all Chinese Americans are self-employed. Not being from an area with a large Asian-American population, I’ve never really thought about or noticed this. However, being in China, these statistics make sense to me.

From my observations, the Chinese are a very entrepreneurial group. Here, most restaurants and stores are not chains. Even many of the chain locations seem to be franchises, and not corporate owned locations. Plus, on just about every corner, someone is selling something. Usually, they are selling an actual product, like food. Occasionally, they are selling a service, like a haircut.

I’ve seen a few very odd enterprises in my neighborhood. Here are five strange businesses near me:

*There is a man that sometimes sells puppies off of a bicycle. He has a customized bike with shelves that stick out on the sides and back. There are cages stacked on the shelves. The puppies look like they’re about two weeks old and not at all ready to be away from their moms.

*There is another man that sells pet goldfish and pet turtles off of a cart. The goldfish and turtles are already in little glass bowls and ready to take home.

*In front of the grocery store, there is often a table where a couple sells cosmetics, like sunscreen and nail polish, and “New Balance” sneakers. I’m not sure why these items are sold together.

*In warm weather, there is an old lady that gives haircuts on the sidewalk. She has a folding chair, a blanket, scissors, clippers, a mirror, and a comb. You wouldn’t think that people would actually let her cut their hair but, they do.

*My favorite is the mobile bike repair shop. On my way home, I often see a man with a cart/cabinet combo. From this, he repairs bicycles. His cabinet is stocked with new seats, inner tubes, pedals, spokes, chains, and tires. He looks like he could handle just about any repair.

While I don’t frequent these businesses, I do enjoy looking at them. They are very creative and seem like they have customers. Plus, it’s nice to know that I can buy a puppy, buy a goldfish, buy sneakers, get a haircut, and get my bike repaired all without setting foot in a store. 

The Mobile Bike Repair Shop

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This is the fruit stand where I buy my fruit. It's been moved into a nearby plumbing fixtures store for the winter. 

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